I'm not that kind of person

OK.

What kind are you?

I don't know. But I'm definitely not that kind.

I have used this statement like million times. And almost every single time I have felt the undercurrents of emotions of a reoccurring thought "WHAT KIND ARE YOU THEN", "WHO ARE YOU"?

What freaked me more than the question was the answer - I DON'T KNOW.

__

Instead of trying to find an answer to the question, I watched FRIENDS because I knew what joke Chandler is gonna crack which definitely will make me laugh, and how Joey is gonna react on his 30th birthday. You know finding comfort in the known to avoid the discomfort of the unknown.

Is this the reason people watch or do the same repetitive things? So, they can avoid the discomfort of what they are thinking or must be feeling underneath.

To be honest, there is nothing wrong in doing so and therefore I continued watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S. In fact, I ordered a pizza and hot choco lava cake (Offcourse from my usual known place for the known taste. Haven't we all done that?)

__

I faithfully preserved this thought for so long until I realize it's not only the undercurrents now, it's a big tsunami.

While seeking the answer, thinking deep, reading books & articles I had a mini satori. I realized the polarities and paradoxes in me, in us, and in all humans and in nature.

I realized

I'm good and I'm bad.

I'm light and I'm dark.

I'm all and I'm none.

I'm everything and I'm nothing.

I'm this kind and I'm that kind.

In this spectrum of black and white, I'm HUMAN.

__

I'm remembering a famous quote by Carl Jung - “I would rather be whole than good.”

I perhaps understand this profoundly meaningful quote now when I shed the facade of being and accepting only good.

What do you think about this quote? I would love to hear from you.

XO,

Harshank